Most people have heard of the five love languages by now. If not, a quick google search will land you on a test. They can be useful, especially as a starting point.

What I want to invite you into here goes a little deeper.

Think of a moment when love was shown to you in its purest form. Not the performative kind, not the kind that came with expectations or conditions. The kind where nothing was required of you in return.

You were not asked to do anything.
You were not asked to be anything.
You were not asked to explain yourself or earn it.

You were loved simply for existing.

Stay with that for a second. 

How did that feel in your body at the time? And how does it feel now, as you remember it?

Maybe it was physical. Being held, hugged, having someone sit close without words.
Maybe it was verbal. Someone saying “I love you” without justification, without adding reasons to it.
Maybe it was practical. Someone quietly doing something that made your life easier, without announcing it or asking for recognition.

Perhaps you already know what your love languages are, but never thought of how they formed. And yes, these too, much like a lot of things we carry with us as templates, are rooted in our formative years. 

Some years ago, someone I care about lost a loved one. I remember sitting next to them on a terrace. I did not say anything, nor did I offer condolences or reassurance, or the usual phrases we reach for when we do not know what else to do.

I simply sat there, and it felt like it was enough for them. 

For me, presence without words is one of the purest forms of giving and receiving love. It makes sense when I look back at how love was offered to me as a child, especially by my grandparents. There was a steadiness to it that had nothing declarative about it. Just a sense of “I am here” that did not need explaining.

This is why I am less interested in labels and more interested in lived experience.

What does love actually look like for YOU when it is real?
How do you recognize it when it is offered?
How do you extend it to the people you care about?

And if you look at your adult relationships, where do you experience this kind of love, and where do you notice its absence?

There is no rush to answer these questions. Some of them take time to settle, so allow yourself that time. And if it brings a tear into your eye, don’t hold it back 🙂